Tag: depression

When you’re screwed & you know it, & get even more screwed, to the point where you’re ready for the meteor to hit & end it already… but still hanging onto a thread of hope

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Well, no meteor, but the dog suddenly revealing what "supposedly yummy treasure" she ingested from who-knows-who's yard all over blankets and the floor a couple hours before bedtime is a helluva substitute for a universal F-you. I'd planned to stay up a while with a list of things to at least get a good start … Continue reading When you’re screwed & you know it, & get even more screwed, to the point where you’re ready for the meteor to hit & end it already… but still hanging onto a thread of hope

Feeling Oddly Triumphant After Being Out-of-Sorts All Day; or, Fixing Things Really Boosts That Self-Esteem…

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This was turning out very crappy today. And no, I don't mean it's because I'm single and it's that damned Valentine's Day. Hell, I almost forgot about it til I saw kids coming off the bus with heart-shaped chocolate boxes this afternoon. That's more like it. I'd love an anatomically correct heart for V-day. I … Continue reading Feeling Oddly Triumphant After Being Out-of-Sorts All Day; or, Fixing Things Really Boosts That Self-Esteem…

Fell a little further than I planned; or, how I suddenly realized I can’t hold myself back forever…

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Somehow, I just shut down. I pushed aside everything I'd planned or tried to work on and ended up in some odd little limbo inside my own head. No real goals worked toward, just ideas discarded and never revisited or improved upon. It's been successful only in that I've been able to whittle down my … Continue reading Fell a little further than I planned; or, how I suddenly realized I can’t hold myself back forever…

A strange, funny, yet disturbing epiphany I had regarding how I can “get back on the horse” sooner…

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I had the slightest of lulls during my shift tonight, trying to cancel out some noise and figure out what to take care of next in my stack of stuff. It wasn't quiet by any stretch, but the thought just came in. I guess we could call it the epilogue of Sunday's "I hate my … Continue reading A strange, funny, yet disturbing epiphany I had regarding how I can “get back on the horse” sooner…

I know coffee makes me happy, but buying a ton of mugs was probably not the best thing for a depressive episode…

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Yeah, the wallet-emptying monster has returned in force, and it's focused on my kitchen. In my defense, I was doing a deep clean and decided to move things around, and that's the necessary evil that started it all. I have plenty of cabinets in my kitchen, but they're generally skinny and deep. It makes it … Continue reading I know coffee makes me happy, but buying a ton of mugs was probably not the best thing for a depressive episode…

I never thought there was something in my life that could “trigger” me, & then it happened…

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I'm going to bed right after I finish this and a little wine to calm my nerves. I spent the past two hours trying to figure out what the fuck just happened and why... and then trying NOT to think about why too much before I put myself right back into that position. Vicious cycle, … Continue reading I never thought there was something in my life that could “trigger” me, & then it happened…

Pushing Myself to Clean Better

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Once again, the angels of duty and responsibility have reared their heads and declared war on my demons of procrastination. Though in my defense, it wasn't entirely wasted time. I WAS doing necessary and relevant things outside while the weather was good. But damn, this place is a few dust bunnies and dirt clots away … Continue reading Pushing Myself to Clean Better

Optimism, the hard crash, & stress cleaning all in one day…

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Yeah, I feel ya, Spongebob. I wasn't expecting much from today, except trying to get some information for my house so when it's time for the improvements, all is in order. I'd hoped to have more time for Masterclasses, gardening, and writing... but the records issue sucked up most of the day. Especially after the … Continue reading Optimism, the hard crash, & stress cleaning all in one day…

When you’ve finally snapped out of it, but have no clue how it happened…

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I've been on a bit of a cleaning streak the past few days. I have no clue how, after months of just being listless, searching for something but getting nowhere, and having no energy... I just got up and started cleaning mid-morning on Saturday. I put my keyboard down, started some laundry, went to my … Continue reading When you’ve finally snapped out of it, but have no clue how it happened…

I think I FINALLY managed to bore myself out of my usual procrastination methods…

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It's been a hard road to slog through, and I've fallen way behind on some things and barely touched others. My days and evenings have been full of obsessively playing video games, hoping to reach ever-elusive goals. And then, while doing that, making new reading lists for the year (because my files weren't saving right … Continue reading I think I FINALLY managed to bore myself out of my usual procrastination methods…