I lucked out in getting a week off of work (basically had to beg for it, but too many yard repairs and I needed some good weather to pull it off) and have spent much of the time outside. Because I overdid it yesterday and wanted to make sure the scratches I got from those sticky brambles had a chance to heal up nicely, I spent the day inside trying to clean a little and catch up on things.

And one of those things was to participate in an online game with my group. (And no, I’m not saying which game–sorry if it feels vague to you.) Something I used to like, but has cost me a lot of money over the past couple of years (because I’m an impulsive idiot) and now I’m considering quitting, or at least taking a long long break from it. That would mean abandoning my group, essentially, but I can’t do this anymore. When something that was fun now feels like a chore and/or some folks involved get a little too serious about something meant to be fun… well, that drains all the enjoyment out of me.

I admit, when new parts of the game open up, I get a little dopamine hit and spend a few bucks to get through upgrades (which also helps out the group), but find that I really regret spending the money a few days later when I’m looking at the bills (idiot). And I guess to get more revenue, the creators are bringing more stuff out to keep interest going, and that gets pricey. Thankfully I’m not as bad as I used to be about spending (because I was not used to online gaming and paying attention to my purchases), but still not helpful when I’m trying to learn how to make a budget and stick with it.

But now, the group has gotten a bit more goal oriented, a little more pressure to do better and advance. The group I joined was a good starter group and I’ve stuck with it the whole time. Others have jumped groups half a dozen times or more, but I stuck with because I liked the no-pressure, do your best mindset. Now, though, we’re having to go on Discord to do some strategizing and all.

The basic daily checklist for the game takes enough of my time. I actually have a spot in my schedule for it each morning to get it out of the way and help my team in those events… and now I’m gonna have to go to an alternative site to do some extra stuff? And how long would I have to spend doing it? What stinks is I can’t even get on Discord for some reason. I wasted over half an hour this morning trying to get on it and got my account disabled within 2 minutes. No idea what the hell I did wrong, but it’s like the FB thing and why I couldn’t get back on that after having my account less than half an hour.

They must use the same bot-filtering algorithms.

But what pissed me off was one of the big strategy thinkers in the group trying to get everyone on Discord and seemingly not understanding why I couldn’t. I actually e-mailed Discord to see what the hell went wrong (just because maybe I can use the info in the future in case this happens with another social media site or chat site or whatever that I might need to join). No word yet, and probably won’t get one. But I’m not wasting all my e-mail addresses and going through the multiple verification processes for hours and hours just to participate in an off-site chat.

And if the new team mods insist I need to be in Discord, I’ll just freaking quit. Buh-bye.

Yes, quit a game I’ve been a part of for two years and change and spent several paychecks (when I was stupid) investing in. But the game is forever building and I don’t have a millionaire’s bank account to just game and add and spend all I want. I like when I achieve something small, but it’s a game without end as it stands. Never going to get anywhere, and after a while, I can finally say that it’s just become a chore.

I probably will quit anyway, and kick myself for all the money I wasted. I just have to remind myself that while I was spending (initially), it was because I enjoyed the game and when I was down and depressed, it was a bit of a help. But I have to remind myself that I have to be more responsible for my finances. I also have another game I play (minimal investment), and can’t split my “fun money” between two games. And the other game doesn’t have pressure to play all the time. I take 5-10 minutes a pop, do a few things, and shut it down.

That’s the tricky part of all this: so much was invested. But I have other things I want to do in life, and I need the time that this game wastes to get started with my day earlier, get into writing, build time for music and cooking, all that good stuff. This feels like a time-sucking chore the more I think about it, so it’s time to get out of this game–or at least, get out of the group I belong to and just stay solo for a while.

What sucks is knowing I’ll disappoint some folks (I do have a strong team and stats, partially because of the ridiculous amount of money). It’ll probably turn into one of those things where someone gets butthurt and is like “fine, go away and we don’t want you here anymore.” Which has happened in other points of my life (and haven’t we all had something similar to that when changing jobs?), but you can’t please everyone. And I’m tired of trying to stay involved with something that doesn’t move me or make me enjoy the day. It certainly doesn’t improve me in any way. I need to focus on far more important things than a silly game I can’t win or be particularly creative with anymore. I’ll miss some of the silliness, but I’m already missing it because some folks have made it too serious.

If it’s not fun, it’s no longer a game. It’s a chore. And one I don’t need taking money and time that I don’t have out of my pocket. So I’ll finish out the week and give it up, change my name so I don’t get bothered and leave it be til I feel like I can like it again.

WITHOUT spending money, of course.