This is a question I’d love to ask when it comes to infidelity. How many times has the story come about, in movies, Reddit stories, anecdotes, etc.? Someone comes home, hears noises/music, follows it, finds their significant other in bed with another person. And then the cheater says something like:
- “Omg, omg, omg, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
- “This isn’t what it looks like.” (yeah, that’s a question for another day)
- “I can explain!”
- “What are you doing here?”
Some of this crap kinda makes me laugh, because honestly, the shock of the moment and THAT is what a cheater says when caught in the moment? But I think it’s the aftermath in a lot of the stories when folks pour themselves on paper that hurts the most.
What I hate most is reading or hearing about when the cheater or someone close to the cheater (family, friend, etc.) is promoting forgiveness and reconciliation, and tries to tell the hurt party that the cheater “made a mistake.”
I have never found a good answer for that one. I mean, I’ve also never seen anyone ask the question, “Which part of the cheating was the mistake?”
That’s what I want someone who defends the cheater to answer. Which part was the mistake?
The first flirty text? The first dozen e-mails and chats? The first lie to the significant other? The changing privacy settings on the phone? The first platonic touch? The first nudes sent? The first non-platonic touch? The first shared dirty joke? The first kiss? The first hotel room meetup? The first time clothes came off? The first time they went full out? The first week/month/year of that thrill of danger? The first time an anniversary was missed or ignored?
Or was the “mistake” actually referring (quietly) to getting caught? My theory is this stems from folks who are in denial and don’t want the boat rocked, so they think ignorance is bliss in these cases (“If only they never found out, everything would be fine.”)
I absolutely hate when someone calls cheating “a mistake.” If you send a dirty joke or flirty message through text to your significant other, but it accidentally goes to a co-worker, oh yeah, that would be a mistake (and a dozen quick apologies and embarrassed laughter to follow before both go on with your lives). That I could understand as a “mistake”. But a mistake is something small that happens once. Not the thousands of tiny decisions that led to a major catastrophuck.
Because if those steps to keep the conversation going or lie to your partner or send the first pictures or make the first sex video are made, then it’s not “a mistake.” It’s all parts of a choice. A WRONG choice, perhaps, but still a choice. No one chooses to make a mistake.
Seriously, I want to know the answer to that question: which part was supposed to be the mistake?
Because cheating isn’t a mistake. It’s a shitty choice with consequences for the betrayed, the circle, and the wayward alike.
Anybody ever wonder about that, too?