This weekend was just not the best one for planning all around. I dunno if it was some bad news that threw me off and made me all cloudy, or the major headache that came in most of Friday and Saturday and wouldn’t leave me alone (I’ll blame the weather changes for some of that). But something messed with me because suddenly I “forgot” to be good to myself the way I wanted to.

I will give myself some victory points, though: it’s the first time in ages that I fell off the wagon and didn’t fall straight into the bingeing black hole. I remained aware that I should make better choices when I could and mitigated the “damage” as it came.

I had so many things going on Friday (got roped into helping a neighbor) that I got some not-so-healthy breakfast… not fast food, but let’s face it, some grocery store breakfast options in the steam trays that aren’t bland and basic are gonna be damned caloric in some way. But I ended up eating much better (smaller meals, too) the rest of the day to kinda compensate for that. Not consciously, in the sense that I was reminding myself of my mistake and berating myself all day. Just made myself busy as possible and didn’t get very hungry. Overdid it that evening, though, at a sandwich place and got the same old size I used to get… only to spend the rest of the night drinking hot tea SLOWLY and resting my stomach.

My eyes have always been bigger than my stomach, and eating while driving is the WORST thing I can do, because I’m trying to eat as fast as I can to prevent the food from spilling or getting everywhere.

Those damned habits… but at least they’re changing a bit.

I forgot that the past few weeks I haven’t been all that hungry since doing this lifestyle change. A few meals I’ve had to learn the hard way and limit my portion sizes and slow down eating a bit, but the real surprise came Saturday morning. I was running around the house trying to get ready for work and get everybody fed, but forgot to bring my own stuff with me. Remembered my coffee, somehow, but forgot my phone AND my fruit. Ended up getting some essentials I was gonna drop off to my neighbor after work and I had just enough time to hit the Dennys for some quick simple breakfast.

Sad to say, I couldn’t turn down the pancakes. But I got the ones with oats and flaxseed and whatever else in there to at least give me a boost of fiber and fill me up a bit faster. I’m guessing the universe decided to throw me a bone because while I was trying to hurry up and eat (going for the rest first), I also had the world’s slowest syrup dispenser in hand, barely dripping onto the plate. It probably helped that they apparently made the pancakes huge, so the butter was spread too thin. I might’ve gotten 1/3 the way through the plate before I called it quits, mainly because I’d drank the full glass of water when I started and I figured I was on the verge of being late to work if I didn’t go pay right then.

Eating too fast wasn’t good, of course, but I made myself stop and not do the damned Clean Plate Club thing that I used to do, so that was an improvement. Today was a lot of sitting around work because of changes in my schedule and paying the bills, but I was able to get some healthy snacks going before I figured out what to eat.

It’s gonna take some time for me to cut sugar, but I don’t crave it as much as I used to.

Not saying I was THAT bad, but, you know…

I’m guessing the desire for all those quickie carbs I was used to having took the edge off. I just have a spoon in my coffee now or some organic preserves on a PB&J sandwich. I jumped back into Thrive Market and can’t wait to get more of that stuff. I’m curious what all I can do with the apricot ones, since I’m not really familiar with apricot in much of anything I’ve done, wouldn’t do a sandwich with it, but I’ve seen it used in my recipe books, so I’m curious. Maybe I could put it in my oatmeal instead of other sugary stuff.

Ooh… that’s a thought if this cold weather keeps up this week. Gotta make some food for the week tomorrow anyway, so one more thing to put on the list to try out.

I’m just glad I’ve stopped beating myself up over the little things and have managed to calm down and back off a bit. Making myself busy as much as I could has been a help, and I’ll keep trying new things this week. I’m hoping that the beginning of February will have me on a full-blown routine. The new coffee maker I bought online (hate to say I wasted 2 hours trying to find the “perfect” one, comparing and contrasting reviews, and it’s easily the most expensive countertop appliance I’ve ever bought) will help me out big time once I get it set up and work with it.

As much as I think Keurigs are pretty cool (I use the refillable pods with my own coffee mix, not the one-use ones), and I love how little space they take up on my counter… making coffee with them is a time-suck of incredible proportions. Namely, I will make a cup and forget it’s there, then it ends up lukewarm at best and I’ll have to throw it out and make another (re-heating in the microwave is bloody terrible, though sometimes I’d do it anyway) Or I’d be ready to do something and have to wait for it to be done with (usually when the dogs want to pee). If I want more, I gotta pull out my pour-over setup and hope I boiled enough water. That carafe doesn’t hold heat worth a damn so I’d better have my thermos ready, and I almost never have the right amount of water.

And then there’s the fine fine grind in the bottom of the carafe that ends up in the bottom of my cup, which makes me add MORE sugar and creamer to kill the bitterness. Sheesh.

Since I’m aiming to limit my coffee intake to before noon, that means I don’t really need the single-serve Keurig anymore as a “when I get the urge”. And if someone came over and I wanted to entertain, it would be nice to make more than one cup at a time again. I found a model online that grinds the beans (drool… which upped the price big time, of course), dispenses anything from one travel mug to 12 cups, and is programmable, which suddenly became my big thing.

Before, I never really cared much about programming the coffeemaker. But with my forgetful nature, the idea of letting it automatically shut off once it’s done cooking is very appealing (thermal carafe with this model instead of a hot plate, which would take some getting used to, but I’d need it to just stay hot about 2 or 3 hours anyway… and if I put boiling water in the night before and drain it before I start my day, that’ll be some good hot coffee for a while…mmm).

But also, in this case, once I get my morning schedule established (snack, exercise, dogs out, clean up, etc.), I can time the maker to start doing it’s thing a few minutes before I’m set to come in from exercising, or when about to take the dogs out (I always come in to feed the feathered and finned ones, which takes about 15 to 20 minutes with the swapping bowls, rinsing them out, filling ’em, etc.). It’s just figuring out when the best time will be to start it. I’m using this coming week to get my sleep schedule back on track so in February I can hit the ground running.

A lot of learning, but also the relieved feeling like I can actually do it this time and I’m not fooling myself. I think I’ll sleep easy knowing all that.

I LOVE that dog and kitten…too damned wholesome and cute.