I think we’ve all seen the phrase “patience is a virtue” at some point, and it’s been said often enough that it’s rather passe, or said as a kind of “shut up and stop bothering me” statement toward someone who is mimicking a pressure cooker around you.

Well, I wish like hell I could figure out where any patience I ever had went. I mean, in some ways I seem patient to the point of nonchalance or inactive. But then in most other things, the things I REALLY want to accomplish and get good at…well, let’s say my incredible tendency to overthink things, overschedule myself, and my fear of failure have made my patience take off for the nearest rooftop and make a spectacular leap.

That was something I learned today–that I need to get my focus back, and my patience, or any of my plans aren’t going to get close to fruition. My erratic hyper-awareness of the possibilities, and then the need to overanalyze everything til I’m worn out hasn’t done my any favors for years. I might get some motivation to do some physical activity in regards to my end goals (learning music, carving out writing time and actually using it, finishing a cleaning task, etc.), but the thrill of accomplishment wears off quick as the “well, you ONLY got this far” brigade sends a marching band into my head and voila–good mood evaporates.

So, the virtue of patience is perhaps one of the biggest virtues I need to cultivate at the moment. And in today’s world of desperation, trying to get back to normalcy as best as possible, while info devices are glued to our fingertips… well, yeah. It’s maybe needed more than ever. Patience is a resource, and is not infinite by any stretch of the imagination.

I figured out my major goal for the week: learn what I can do to cultivate patience and not over-stress myself. That might help my numbers when I go to the doctor in the next few weeks (and I hope it does a bit). Not that they’re terrible, but I’ve got some conflicting information in my tests, probably because of my dietary and emotional see-saw the past few months during those various tests.

So, it’s time to figure this baby out and actually put it into play. It’s strange that the need for patience seems rather “duh”, but it’s tougher than it seems to actively focus on it and do what’s needed in a patient way. I probably don’t make much sense (definitely almost time for sleep), but it’s just strange to me, to know that you need to have patience, but when it comes down to it, you can’t recall if you ever had it before or in what capacities that made a positive difference.

So, definitely gonna research ways to help. Get back into a writing routine and meditation to clear the cobwebs out of my head and get my frustrations out onto the page instead. That would be a great start, and I’m eager for tomorrow morning.