Yeah, the wallet-emptying monster has returned in force, and it’s focused on my kitchen. In my defense, I was doing a deep clean and decided to move things around, and that’s the necessary evil that started it all. I have plenty of cabinets in my kitchen, but they’re generally skinny and deep. It makes it hard to really get something out of the back (especially where I had my food storage containers and the like) without knocking something over. I got tired of it.
So, I did two things about it: I bought some of those adhesive battery powered puck lights to illuminate the shelves so I could see what the hell I was doing, and some organizing racks I can slide back into those cabinets. My oddly-stacking food containers and my baking pans and supplies just wouldn’t stay upright with my repurposed office supplies. And I’m glad I put the lights in there and cleaned out all the cabinets because I found some things that grossed me out.
Namely, small roaches.
And evidence they’d been around a little while on some of the supplies I had stuffed in the back.
I’m used to wood roaches coming in during bad rains and storms. They can fly around a little, crawl like crazy, and always end up showing up when I least want to see them. But they’re also big, easy to see, easy to kill.
The little ones always creep me out worse because you know where there’s one, there’s probably dozens more you can’t see yet that are gonna pop out as soon as you kill that first one and turn the lights off again.
So this week was shot to hell because I was waiting for my storage stuff to come in, but also taking out everything from each cabinet and putting ’em on my dining table so I could look for cracks that were being exploited, fill the gaps with foam or by re-tacking the trim, spray the edges, wipe everything down… and repeat the last two til yesterday. Well, 24 hours without a fresh body, so I’m guessing I got ’em all at last. I resorted to spraying one last time (I swear I used a whole can just in the cabinets the past week–cheap crap just don’t work, should’ve got the Bengal the first time around), and then I got some of that poison gel you put in cracks where they’re likely to come in. I did a whole bead around where the countertop meets the cabinets (less likely to accidentally touch it that way, and dogs can’t get to it), and still have plenty left.
So, finally, I can finish the dishes and put together the organizers and start filling up some cabinets. I have to wait to take care of the coffee cabinet, though, because I couldn’t find a shelf that would fit til way after I ordered the rest.
And now I’m kicking myself.
I was originally getting mugs out and putting them away in storage for a bit, either because they were oddly shaped, too big, ugly as hell, whatever. And I did that a few weeks ago. I still have a precarious balancing situation going on, which is why I’m trying to organize and have actual shelves rather than stacking. I have mug hooks for the other mugs that look really nice (or are collectible) and they can hang next to my window.
Because I can totally see this happening to my cabinet if I put all those mugs in there in the next few days… just with more crashing noise and less warbling and wiggling.
But I was half-asleep and browsing online and saw a bunch of mugs for sale online… and bought WAY too many.
For some reason, when I’m in the middle of cleaning a room, I suddenly want to buy more shit to fit in said room.
Well, I know at least it’ll be something I can put to use. And will. Daily.
But I just don’t need that many.
Forehead, meet desk.
I guess those little daydreams of happiness, of enjoying a mug of tea or coffee (or cider, or hot chocolate, or irish coffee…) just stayed in my brain, and I found designs and humorous stuff I really liked that just screamed “that’s me!”
And I got all kinds of mugs coming in the mail that are gonna be “fun” to find room for after all that my poor kitchen has already gone through.
Oh geez. Depressive episodes suck.
At least, that’s the best way I can describe them. I always feel the itch to buy something like a form of therapy. Scrubbing the hell out of my kitchen and making it sparkle would’ve been far better, but having to wait for the roaches to die so I could finish my cleaning job just made me feel useless and stupid. So, I did a perk me up, which felt good til I got the confirmation e-mail and realized that I’d spent a bunch of money on stuff I didn’t really need…AGAIN!
I wish the physical exercise and sense of accomplishment involved with cleaning made me feel that perky and pretty…sigh.
It’s been an emotional week with doctor’s visits and the like, and getting some things taken care of while I’m in a holding pattern regarding others. There’s an increasing anxiety that’s just not let go, and right now I’m actually in my most introverted phase. I don’t want to talk to anyone and cringed when I heard the phone earlier. Telemarketers might feel my wrath if I’m not careful, especially when I have to climb down from a stepladder (and not knock over some collectible) and find from the Caller ID that it just HAS to be a damned sales call.
I’ve had some setbacks the past few weeks and have been working to get over them, and have some good news from my doctors regarding what I’ve been trying to do, so there’s something there. I just hate being overwhelmed with things that need doing, but I can only do a little of them and then just wait. There’s still issues with my old house cropping up and we’re working hard on getting it cleared up. There’s issues with my yard, but the rain won’t stop so I can’t take care of the ant infestation and fixing holes so I don’t twist my ankle. Among other things.
It just sucks when you spend weeks playing the “hurry up and wait” game because of things that generally are not in your control. But sucks more when you don’t take advantage of what you CAN do because you let the feelings of not getting far enough or doing better drag you down. One hell of a self-defeating cycle. My doctor’s right–there are signs of depression in me, but obviously she’d want me to get a better opinion. I’m working on that, just stinks that everyone’s so far from me. But it won’t be so bad if I have to keep it a strictly over Zoom arrangement for a while if I get a shrink again. I miss having one.
So yeah, I’ll have to spend some time clearing out my coffee cabinet (after putting things up everywhere else), and I know I’ll have at least a chuckle to go with my morning joe each day with the silly mugs I picked out. Maybe a few bucks for a little happiness (and to compensate for my occasional klutzy tendencies) won’t be so bad in the long run.
Just found another thing I can put on the list to discuss with my next shrink: shopping therapy needs to end.
If I had Cher’s bank account, I doubt I’d care as much… can’t wait til I look that happy shopping for clothes (sigh).