When you’re falling behind, but don’t seem to care…

I don’t know what it is, but I’ve let so many things slide this week. Things I’ve absolutely had to do, like coursework and finals (which I’m going to try to take tomorrow, hell or high water), house-cleaning and exercise.

I did get quite a bit accomplished outside, I have to admit. I spray-painted my stand-alone insect hotel, and then made some interesting color choices on the front (the back faces the road and is one color). But since they said it would rain today and the grass was getting high, I mowed and had time to weed-eat. I should’ve finished up there, but cut a length of landscaping barrier and found the spot I intended to put that hotel, nailed the barrier into the ground and put the hotel down with extra dirt and the last of the flowers I had around it. It started to sprinkle when I wrapped things up and put the tools away.

The dogs were happy to be out most of the day, that’s for sure. And it was nice, if on the warm side, even with the breeze. Yeah, that May weather (aka, light summer, or the summer teaser trailer) is coming around the corner fast.

It was productive in that sense, just stuff not on my to-do list.

I didn’t finish printing out my class materials to organize them (one class requires heavy editing in Word to be printable in a short number of pages). I got tired of editing and gave up half an hour in.

I didn’t take any more quizzes today and will have to take a slew tomorrow to be able to study for the finals.

I didn’t clean the kitchen, which badly needs it thanks to all the stuff I moved around and re-homed.

I didn’t make any recipes, so it was mostly junk food (and I’d been doing so well).

I hadn’t done my cardio all week (and I’d been doing well there, too).

I hadn’t cleaned off my deck (just bits here and there as time went on and things got re-homed).

I hadn’t written at my desk all week.

I hadn’t looked for work online all week.

Maybe those were good things in the end, because I’ve felt scatterbrained and rather out of it most of the week. I mean, still accomplished, but out of it.

And somehow, because I’m so physically tired at the end of the day, I can’t really care.

I think that’s the most startling thing in all this. I mean, there’s a lot that I’ve been able to do around here and it hasn’t been all sitting on my rear (though the last few hours today–when I should’ve been doing coursework–are an exception). So many little projects got done, just not the things related to what I want to have as my chosen career, and the things I’ve been trying to learn to improve my capabilities and maybe make a huge change in my life.

Those little things that I need to develop into good habits, into the routine and experiences I need to make my plans plausible… and I didn’t even touch them. I feel like there’s a clock running out somewhere and I just can’t seem to find it.

four weddings and a funeral film GIF

Well, hopefully after this coursework is done–tomorrow, if it rains, like they said it should so I don’t have excuses to put it off any longer–I should be able to get more done that needs it, and then back to finding a better routine Monday.

But for now, I’m worn out and falling asleep. Time to sleep on all the day’s ruckus and prep for a new day. I’ll care more tomorrow… or damn well try to.

2 thoughts on “When you’re falling behind, but don’t seem to care…

  1. I. Hobbes says:

    As an anxious introvert, one of the most difficult challenges I find myself facing over and over again is being able to properly….do nothing! Like you said, there’s always this internal clock and ever-scrolling ‘to do’ list going and sometimes it’s okay to just sit back in your $5 Walmart sweat pants and play Mario Kart for a few hours. (Easier said than done 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

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