YouTube is weird. Like really weird. Thankfully the page has been littered with good videos on music. I’ve been rather delighted and teary-eyed the past two hours because of things I’d forgotten, and I found more things I wish I’d known about far sooner. And my heart is aching in my chest because of all the feels and just the “squee!” level of happiness that made me wish I was in these places.

I’d probably be weeping while listening, crying like a fool, but would I really give a damn how I looked?

…Probably not.

Of course, COVID has really made a mess out of things like this, but when the days come when we don’t have to worry about the 6 foot rule (though out of general courtesy, I’m good with that one sticking around… especially in a checkout line and the guy behind you reeks of a 2 pack a day habit), then maybe gatherings of goodness and joy can happen again.

I was listening to some music I hadn’t in forever, like Holst’s “The Planets” (which impresses the hell out of me every time I hear it), and then that led to more classical I hadn’t listened to in a while. I can’t let a Bolero performance go by without a listen, either, and when it became this… this is what hit me that I’d want to do:

I want to write and be a writer who can make a living from it, and a good enough gardener that I can feed myself and have some left over for neighbors to buy or food banks to donate to. Other than that, I have other dreams because I’m restless.

I love music beyond anything else in this world. I love to just get lost in good music. And if I could have anything in the world, it would be to be a great musician, to be able to compose my own stuff and play and entertain. That orchestra flash-mob is something I would just LOVE to be good enough to do. I would LOVE to do things like that and get together with other musicians to do that. This one surprised me pretty nicely:

I wish I had more money because I would love to support music and the arts more often. I haven’t heard a real orchestra live since a 5th grade field trip, and I would love to go more often to support the musicians and artists, and just sit back and absorb some fantastic music.

Especially in a world where everyone seems more interested in winning “I can get away with being shittier than you” contests, rather than working together… music and art are more important than anything. It’s the most human thing we seem able to do anymore.

Maybe that’s why I had such a wrenching reaction to seeing these vids tonight… and I’ll probably stay up half the night watching more. Time to pop open the red, smile, cry, and bliss out.

And that’s what I want to do. Granted, it’s gonna take years to learn enough music and practice enough to get good at enough instruments to want to play for people, or compose, or join in other folks’ groups….

Well, that’s incentive for me to eat better, exercise, and try to live to 100, isn’t it?

Of course, I keep thinking about THIS type of performance, and I would absolutely love to be in the orchestra if they ever do something like this again. Ah, Childhood… maybe someday. Or I’ll get good enough and we’ll play and make a day out of it like these folks did: