Biting the bullet & making a tough choice that feels like lancing a boil… in the brain.

As fun and accomplished as yesterday turned out to be, today, sadly, was not quite so accomplished. At least, not on paper… but emotionally it’s been something else. All I managed to do yesterday, I think I’d be generous to say I’d gotten 1/4 of the same done today.

I woke up an hour late (the heat overnight was annoying and made the nape of my neck sweaty and itchy–kinda wish I got up and just showered to feel better and cleaner, but that would mean I’d be wide awake after only 3.5 hours of sleep). The rain outside at times didn’t help, it kept lulling me back to dozing. My poor dogs really wanted me up so I obliged. But that meant I missed my early morning workout window, so perhaps in a few minutes I’ll rectify that and do a quick go on the elliptical. I was also concerned about my solar issue so I shot off a quick e-mail with some questions I wanted clarification on before meeting with the county tomorrow. So, my writing time got started an hour late.

At least I kept that date. And thanks to yesterday’s cleaning, I was looking into a very clean kitchen and entryway, which helped stave off the distractions. And that clean kitchen stayed clean, even after I made breakfast (a bad habit of mine is to leave it a mess of dirty dishes til I “feel like” getting to them… but I’m improving).

Music practice got started late because I was getting antsy about calling the county and asking about a favor I might have to get done for the paperwork. No replies or anything. So, that took some time checking on all that. And I spent some time doing some research online regarding my solar situation.

Then I took the dogs out to play and wait for the neighbor to get back home from school. I read some of a magazine while enjoying the sun, and was distracted the whole time. But by the time I got up from the bench and brought the dogs in, I’d made my decision.

It was a tough one, but necessary. I hate it because the contractor’s the nicest guy and super helpful the past few weeks, but I can’t deal with the damned financing company anymore. I sent e-mails and called to cancel the contract to get solar put on my house.

I am not happy about it because it’s gonna probably make a mess with that contractor, not being able to get this job squared away. He was great; I just hate that he’s stuck working with a damned awful financing company to get things done. Granted, my situation’s not as bad as some others I researched, but then again, I hadn’t had any panels put on my house yet. If this is the way things are going right now, I don’t want to imagine if a problem crops up within the next couple of decades what could happen (or not happen because of inaction).

Grasping for Objectivity | ... in my subjective life. - Part 3

Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration, but there are far too many stories of roof issues to make me comfortable right now… and how the financing company is just no help to many in a timely manner or even in a responsible one.

I don’t know if there’ll be financial repercussions (yet) for cancelling the contract before we even had a chance to do anything to the house, but I’m at the point I have a hard time caring. I’ve lanced a boil in my brain, and I feel refreshed and drained all at the same time.

I’ve had headaches, had a hard time sleeping, been wasting days making phone calls to get things taken care of fast as I can (while the company drags its feet or gives damned vague information that doesn’t help enough). Yeah, I vented about this a few days ago, so I’ll spare you more right now. And should I do some deep digging and make the choice to do solar again, I’ll have a boatload of research under my belt and a lot of questions to ask the installers.

Number one on the list will be “what financing company do you work with?” For obvious reasons.

And there may come a time when I’ll have to find the same crazy information that this particular company needed. But I’ll hopefully get all those requirements (and ask better questions) sooner rather than later, or worse yet, piecemeal. then I’ll know if I have it all and the best way to proceed. I’m not dropping several hundred more dollars on something that may not be necessary at all. And I hope at the very least I’ll be talking to folks who can answer questions, or put me in touch with those who will answer questions.

And I’ll definitely make sure to check reviews and BBB’s site for more info. Never been one to trust “complaint” or “company” sites because they’re always one way or the other (and some are so vaguely perky or pissy that it might as well be a paid company employee trying to make them look good enough, or a troll). I thought things were good with the initial company I was going to use (and still may if they can switch financing companies, but I’m sure they’re contracted)… but if I gotta work with that other company… no.

Somehow, I never thought it could be that insane to have to look up folks like that, but that’s what happens when the only financing company you’ve dealt with has been for each car you’ve bought, and I’ve never had one problem with any of them.

So, I decided that I want to just drink my smoothie and make a banana oatmeal cookie recipe I found online (I gotta use ’em up sometime, I’m sick of banana bread, and can only make so many smoothies). And I’ll just spend time doing some course-work online instead of cleaning. Video lectures and good books with a cup of tea. I’m gonna relax tonight and do the stress-cleaning tomorrow.

I might just get my deep sleep back with that financial monkey off my back.

Til then, time to make a cup of tea and get the mixing bowls out.

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