When you’ve finally snapped out of it, but have no clue how it happened…

I’ve been on a bit of a cleaning streak the past few days. I have no clue how, after months of just being listless, searching for something but getting nowhere, and having no energy… I just got up and started cleaning mid-morning on Saturday. I put my keyboard down, started some laundry, went to my guest bathroom with some cleaners and started cleaning.

I didn’t even notice I was doing that for a few hours. I don’t recall thinking “Okay, I need to get up and clean today.” Just did it.

Weird.

I’d been so out of it and detached that I’d see messes piling up and just glance at them and move on. I don’t know what it is–maybe depression–but I suppose part of me had had enough.

I’ve had this happen before, but I don’t recall it lasting this long. There’s a voice in my head that’s been telling me that I need to get things done, get organized, get cleaning, get working…and I’d just sit there and do anything else. But the other day, I got up and did it, and didn’t even realize I didn’t have to give myself a pep talk first.

That’s the strange part: I seem to have snapped out of my funk, and have no clue how it happened.

I’ve had some stresses over the past few weeks trying to get a discrepancy taken care of with my property taxes. It’s a waiting game as far as that goes and after fretting about it for quite some time, I just realized that I hadn’t thought about that situation in a few days. I’ve thought of my other taxes I gotta get taken care of and getting those papers in order, but that was the extent of it.

Perhaps it was not dwelling on mistakes I can’t do anything about right now that helped. I’m one of those people who will–out of the blue–suddenly start thinking about things I did wrong (no matter how minor) that happened years ago. Things that nobody would give a rat’s ass about today, but somehow it creeps into my mind.

I had to do a little happy dance yesterday when I was finally done with all the laundry. And not just done cleaning it (lots of blankets, towels, and dog beds were in the mix), but actually taking it out, folding it, and putting it away. I used to just let laundry sit there folded or laid out to be hung for weeks. I wish I knew why. I did that mostly with socks because it was annoying trying to sort through all them to find many had no matching pairs yet, so what was the point when I could wait til all the loads were done, anyway?

Yeah, excuses like that are how bad habits develop, I’m sure.

So, I cleaned my bathrooms (they smell really good now, and look nice), and organized my laundry room better, sweeping and mopping those areas well. I also got some things out of the house and into the shed, which I’d been itching to do for some time. I didn’t go crazy with the cleaning, but I certainly did some and just kept going with it. I hope I can keep the streak alive on the rest of the place and just make it muscle memory, and make it into a good habit. I’ll need that organization and cleaning habit in spades when I get to planting my garden this year. It’s going to be time for seedlings soon and I will have to  figure out what to plant and when.

It just strikes me how strange all this is. I hope it’s a good thing and just keeps on going, and I’ll be in the frame of mind to get back to paying work and a new career plan. I have a feeling it will start with an early wake up, some good coffee, and a plan for the day.

I didn’t get much of my list finished for the day, but I got a good start. I did what I could not to overwhelm myself (because that’s usually my downfall) and chose five things to work on as priorities, and the rest secondary actions. That helped, because I could focus and the more I got done, the more I felt I COULD get done.

Strange how that seems to work, but I’ll take it for now.

In the meantime, it’s late and I’m going to get up early to start my day(s) off right from now on.

All the best to everybody trying to stretch that mental rubber band and figure when the jolt comes.

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