Even now, I’m typing this in my darkened living room, occasionally looking at the TV screen with one eye shut from 10 feet away to keep out the super-brightness coming through the blinds. I just went online out of desperation and ordered some indoor migraine/gamer glasses to keep on the end table and desk in the near future. Can’t wait to try them out.

I’ve never heard of vestibular migraines. But I can definitely say that the list of symptoms fits very well. I’ve felt on the verge of a normal migraine, but my brain is active as hell. It’s that the pain behind my eyes and the dizziness have slowed me down to the point where I’ve been sitting here a few hours, trying not to slump over. I feel drunk, and I’ve never been drunk, so what would I know?

This is a persistent feeling of being not there even while you physically are. It’s like touch has become unreliable, though now I feel the fingers on the keys. I can hear the YouTube video fine. And the milk crate propping up the cushions under my ass because the spring bar has come off it’s brackets is digging in if I shift too much because I need to fluff up the pillows above the cushion a bit better. But otherwise, if I look around or try to get up and move, I feel drunk for a second and then just a little lightheaded.

I debated whether or not to go straight back to bed for a while, close my eyes and let the dark wash over, but my brain is very much active. It’s like my eyes and my ears (balance) are out of sync. And yesterday, while my eyes were closed I was okay, but as soon as I had to get up again, it was awful. I actually was able to put yesterday’s annoyance out of my head when I finally got those hazelnut trees planted (just in time, too, because the storm eventually arrived and it was damned loud and wet out there all night). For 20 minutes of that shoveling and hauling and planting, things were good. I felt better and could actually have a conversation with the neighbor after he got off the bus. But once I had to go in and secure the house from the storm, here came the dizziness again. But this time, I didn’t feel I could walk or work it off.

And when it wore off, I was wired. Didn’t get to bed til probably 1 am, when I should’ve gone much earlier because the night before’s sleep was so lousy. Actually, I don’t think I’ve had a good night of sleep at all since the year started. Hopefully today I can make that happen, because I need to get over this and back to it.

Of course, it kinda makes sense. Every time I have it in mind to get good things started and re-new my vows to myself to make positive changes to my fortunes and health… some illness or other derails my efforts. I guess it’s just a coincidence that I finally got the motivation to get going and then here come the heavy dizzy spells.

Hell, my right eye’s closed AGAIN and I’m a little bit away from just snoring, I can tell.

Migraines have been bad enough, certainly the worst when it comes to pain I’ve experienced, but these dizzy spells with pulsing and disorientation are infuriating. I can’t even just sit without feeling all out of sorts, and the dark and a nap may not do much of anything. Still worth a shot, though I was desperate enough that I ran out and got some Dramamine for the first time in my life. Haven’t taken it yet, but am going to look up more on this illness before I do, anyway.

But first, I’m gonna try to nap it away, at least a little while. Not getting much else done today. I just hope my eagerness to get things cleaned up around here, cook again, and have my new writing routine established won’t fade and I’m back in the dumps. Got too much that needs to go on this month to be in a perpetual fog, and more to discover so I can crawl out of it.

This is a very weird situation, semi-painful and all around annoying. If I wasn’t so afraid I’d stumble and hurt myself outside with all the potholes and mud, I’d love to trim that fallen tree with my new pole trimmer and start that clean up job. Sheesh, something new to get over, it seems. This whole first week of 2021 is really NOT positively entertaining.