photo from commons.wikimedia.org

I saw a brief blip when I was scrolling through YouTube earlier (which I mostly had on for noise) and it said that Ruth Bader Ginsburg was gone. I didn’t react at first, just read the clip title and moved on.

I suppose I wasn’t ready to think on that. I just kept painting bookmarks and making coffee, anything to avoid clicking on those articles or video clips.

But now, I am. After sitting down and actually doing some searching, to see that there are multiple sources confirming it, I’m sitting on my couch with a big glass of wine, not sure if I plan on going numb or if I want to just start the screaming early.

This just seems like the all-too-perfect ending to a shitty news week. How many things have happened this week that just makes you rub your eyes and wonder what happened to humanity, and then The Great Lady is gone.

And now, the real scrambling will begin, weeks before the election. I feel like a selfish asshole for thinking this (seen my share of family going through cancer treatment or post-op, and the pain involved) but the universe help us now.

We could’ve used her wisdom, her temperance, and her vote.

And now I fear what will happen to all the strides she made in the Supreme Court for people. How that will resonate beyond those rooms and to the country as a whole. I know it’s not like they can go back and rewrite history and erase it all, but what cases will come up in the near future that we could’ve used her voice in the most?

For the first time in my life, I want to get drunk. Just stupid, wallowing drunk. It would make my body match my mood, in any case.

But I know I won’t. I think I’ll pull down my Ruth Bader Ginsburg doll from the shelf and give it an extra big hug at the very least.

No, seriously. I have one:

From the philosopher’s guild website. She hangs out with my legal books in the library.

I’m so concerned now about what tomorrow will bring, and the days after with this crazy-ass administration trying to do whatever it can to stir things up and just destroy all the gains that have made this country what it is.

I’ll admit it now, I’m actually scared. I’m trying not to be because it’s just been a roller-coaster of a year and I’ve been trying to tamp down my negative emotions and turn them into something positive. But this is hard. There’s a vacancy in the Supreme Court now, and who knows who Dump will want to bring in?

Of course, hope lies in the legislative branch to check those nominees. Hearing years and years of threats going around regarding the loss of more liberal gains, of rights and statutes on equality, though… yeah, that’s what I keep thinking about. And then it’s 2020 itself; it’s like every month this year just adds more and more onto the pile. I’ve been trying to quiet my mind by doing some rather mindless painting stuff, but now this is far too overwhelming.

I haven’t cried; I’m too numb and in shock. I’m sure the tears will come in the next few days, when the political clamoring becomes unbearable to hear, namely the screaming of evangelicals demanding another “never abortion” ass on the bench. It’s the mix of politics and religion that I hate the most, and I know my middle finger’s gonna get twitchy when I pass by a fundamentalist church in the next few weeks because of that narrow plank being the end-all, be-all of some folks’ personal platforms.

I can’t wait to vote and be done with it. But at the same time, Dump’s still in there til January 20th at the earliest. Plenty of time to heap on more damage before he gets booted escorted out the door.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is gone. I’m glad she’s not in any more pain from the cancer and treatments. That’s the important thing. Selfishly, though, I wish she was still in that seat, and I hate that I can’t stop thinking that.

I’m gonna get that doll off the shelf, paint some more Popsicle stick bookmarks, and finish up this wine. I’ll have to wear out my brain somehow, because I can only wonder what tomorrow will bring, and I’m sure I’ll need my rest to deal with it.

Be well, all.