I’m stuck in a situation where I have to work open to close several days in a row. I’ve got two more (thankfully shorter) days of this to go, and the list of things that I should be doing is ever increasing.

Storm violence led to a lack of sleep (which I’m itching to get to quite soon) and after a full, insane morning trying to keep going and get ahead of things (but never really getting there), lunchtime was something I actually looked forward to.

I ended up at a diner with maybe 6 people in there at any given time, which I didn’t mind because I just wanted to be somewhere quiet where I could be away from the office (with PPE on when not eating) and put together my to-do list or write in my journal.

I ended up doing no personal chores or list-making. Without even looking at the bag, I took out a book and read after I finished my meal, slower than usual because of my exhaustion headache.

I haven’t had a chance to sit down and read more than five minutes at a time in weeks.

And it certainly helped me out.

I was glad to have actually taken the lunch time to just relax and not worry about my to-do list. I admit I was being quite lazy, because as I sit here now, after such a long day, and look around my living room and what I can see, the place is a total wreck. I’m just gonna have to go to bed knowing this wreck is gonna be staring me in the face this weekend, after all those crazy shifts are done.

I can’t help it. Some days, and even some weeks, require you to be a little lazy. At least, that’s the best way I can describe it. It’s too tiring trying to be constantly vigilant about health and safety, and on-call all the time. I should’ve known I wasn’t gonna get squat done when everyone started calling in about family issues and the like. So I’m working multiple shifts for them.

Work is progressing; home is stagnant.

I thought about doing some basic chores, some small stuff like vacuuming when I came in tonight. Instead, I took the dogs out, got the book to keep reading (and a little wine) and listened to the birds on the porch until the mosquitoes became too much to handle.

And then I came in and decided to play Worms: Armageddon on my computer.

From Team17. This game’s just too fun.

I’ve been doing that for the past hour and a half. Other than a quick pinball game, when’s the last time I sat down and just played a game?

I guess my inner self was getting frustrated with being jerked around, trying to figure out which of my responsibilities I needed to tackle first. I have so many things to work on that I’ve started to shut down when I realized I couldn’t really work on any of it at the moment. Part of it is the weather, part the timing, and part not knowing how much more money I might have to spend to take care of some things.

I’m done with spending for a bit, so that last one’s just had me really annoyed. And so, I put things on the back burner tonight and I’m gonna go to bed and just decide not to care about it until tomorrow after work. I can get a few things done then because I’ll be home a little sooner and it won’t be so dark. When I’ve been out of the house for 12 hours straight and my dogs need to be outside and take a break (and they’ve missed me so I have to be out with them)… yeah, doesn’t leave much time to get other things done.

I’m too tired to beat myself up for a lazy evening, as I’m prone to do. We all gotta have one or two once in a while when everything’s going too fast. And I gotta remind myself of that once in a while.

So, Tylenol for the headache, a little more Worms if I’m too wired to actually sleep, and feeding the fish.

I can handle that loose plan. Til tomorrow.