(Def not my location, but the spirit’s the same)

For a bit there, I thought I might be well on the way to dying. I was probably 20 minutes in before I felt the beginnings of a stitch in my side. Oh, I did NOT want that.

It’s been over a year since I’d done cardio kickboxing at the MMA place I used to like. I signed up again for reasons I’ll go into another day, even though I can barely afford them.

Obviously time to do some major revisions to my budget to make it feasible.

But whew–even when I was kicking my own ass, I sure loved it.

And I got through that stitch in my side and kept going to the end.

When I noticed that stitch starting, I slowed down my punches and kicks against the bag. I also took the time to take slower, deeper breaths as I worked out, enough to make sure it wasn’t going to get worse. And when it was really needed, I went and got some water and took some deep breaths for about two minutes.

Then, I went back there for more jab, cross, uppercut, switch kick, etc. The stitch was gone.

Whew! Forgot how much they like to change things up and make ’em interesting. And I was working with a guy who was pretty nice and helped me remember the steps.

I figured I’d forgotten more than I remembered, but after miming the directions a few times, I actually did pretty well.

I figured I’d hurt the hell out of my knee or ankle, but nope…though my right ankle was feeling tense because my calf was burning from exertion.

The perils of being very obese, I imagine–too much weight resting on crucial joints.

But I gotta say, I’m glad I didn’t wait until I’d “lost some weight” before restarting.

Frankly, cardio kickboxing wasn’t the toughest thing I remember doing. Physically tough, sure, but Brazilian Jiu Jitsu was definitely tougher. Not in the sense that you’re muscles are going nuts trying to keep up (hell, the warm up session with bear crawls, rolls, walking squats, etc., tends to wear me out before we even get to the moves).

I suppose I’m just not comfortable yet with working one on one with a person and grappling or pinning them. I keep worrying that I’m gonna hurt them, and I can’t shut that part of my brain off, at least not for very long.

I never did much Jiu Jitsu, but I’m determined to change that. Perhaps, if I don’t feel like a total wreck tomorrow (since a night of rest usually reveals muscles you didn’t know you had by morning), I’ll go to BJJ before my afternoon shift. I really want to get good at both, because though kickboxing is fun and really gets my blood going, and I can imagine having some crazy power in my legs and arms if I needed to use them… I really want to be more about discipline and self protection. BJJ is just something else, and I’m always amazed at the cool and restraint, the discipline practitioners have when they do it (and it’s fun when you let it be).

I want to trust myself and trust others not to get hurt or hurt me by accident. I have to say, Jiu Jitsu is easily the hardest thing I ever tried to learn, because I always had trouble letting go, or the kickboxing class would just wear me out and I had to go home, so I didn’t stay to do the class.

I also have to wait a few months and develop some skills (and get to the next tier) to do fundamentals of kickboxing class. I really want to do that one because when it comes to going up against a person, well… not many chances of doing that just yet.

Again, self-discipline and focus. And that’s some major stuff I need to work on.

Can’t wait to do so.