Boy I love going to get a massage. When I let the craziness of the past weeks drift away, I can really think, and think really hard about what I need or want to do most.

My initial goals about music and art and reading books haven’t changed a bit, but I really have to focus on another and truly get the ball rolling: my health.

I mean what I eat and how I eat it, my exercise habits, all of it. Everything to do with a healthier me, because I’ve hit rock bottom again and am at the point where I’d rather not eat a damned thing because I’m sick of what I’m tasting in my food every day.

I swear, the older I get, the more preservatives my taste buds can detect. And it makes that old specter of bulimia want to come back.

That became a huge sign–get the cookbooks out and see what you can do.

But it’s more than that: I have a lot of work to do this month.

I wish I could start cold-turkey, but I have too much meal-prep stuff and all to throw away, so I’m going to eat it all this month and never buy it again. I’ve got tons of Hamburger Helper (for some reason I can’t remember, either family gave it or there was a sale or something) and instant oatmeal and cereals and such.

My goal is to get rid of all those by the end of the month. That’ll help me out in two major ways:

1. I won’t be wasting food and it’ll clear out my pantry.
2. I’ll have plenty of leftovers, which means I won’t be eating out all the time. Saving my money–oh yeah!

There are some food and recipe-related stuff I’ll be reading up on while I get rid of the not-very-healthy. Veggie-laden sides will help retrain my taste buds into liking veggies again, too, beyond what’s always on a burger.

That’s the biggest thing–this is just a step to make lots of changes to my diet. The past few weeks I’ve under-eaten and over-eaten in shifts and made myself feel terrible. I’m tired all the time and unless I make an effort, I’ll fall asleep on my couch in the middle of the day. Part of it is this constant grayness outside because it won’t quit raining (hasn’t stopped raining more than 3 days at a time since October–I’m sick of it). Another part, I know, is my food.

I should just call it junk–it really doesn’t get any better.

But eating all this not-so-good food and not replenishing it will help me out. It’s going to be my transition, my last hoo-rah before I get super serious about my food intake.

I have three main goals to pursue by the end of the year, food-wise.

1. To have cut sugar out of my diet, or at least, cut ADDED sugar out of my diet. I’m a sugar addict, so this will be really tough, but I have some resources I’ll consult about this. I know there’s a ton of added sugars in regular foods that we eat every day, especially bread, so thanks to my bread-maker and recipes, I’d love to make my own bread so I don’t have to worry about it (and save a ton of money). The day I can drink coffee with just cream and no added sugar, whoo-hoo! And by the way, I definitely don’t want sugar substitutes if I can help it (unless a recipe demands them). I don’t like ’em generally, and hate them in my coffee. Nope, getting my taste buds to see the backside of granulated sugar and corn syrup will be awesome. And when I get better at cooking, I’ll make my own sauces, dressings, and other stuff so there’s less and less sugar in my diet.
2. To cut out diary, except for cooking purposes (that means  butter). I’m lactose intolerant, so the last thing I should take in is dairy all the time anyway, but cheese is my biggest weakness. I am happy that soymilk exists so I can eat cereal and have milk to use in recipes, but I’ve not been faithful about using only soymilk or lactose free. I’d rather try to get away from dairy in all forms, or at least drastically curb it and not have every dish require some form of cheese. As far as butter for cooking, though, let’s just say olive oil doesn’t work for everything!
3. To go vegetarian, or at the most, be ovo-vegetarian. I want to get better at cooking, and wouldn’t mind learning how to make many different dishes, but meat’s so freaking expensive and I just get to the point where I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’m starting to feel sick when I eat meat, and I’m damned tired of chicken. I’m hoping to gradually transition away from eating meat, fish, chicken, etc. There are thousands of reasons I don’t want to eat them anymore, mainly that if I don’t eat meat, I’ll have less of a desire to go to fast food restaurants (hee hee). Now, I don’t have a problem with eggs, and I make sure to get the cage-free ones. They’re good protein and used in lots of recipes, and I hate experimenting with that Egg-replacement powder. That said, I doubt I’d be a tofu fan (I stink at it), but I have plenty of vegan and vegetarian cookbooks that would be helpful–time to crack ’em open and get inventive.

So that’s the food plan–here’s the exercise plan.

I’ve postponed using my shed/gym because I still don’t have lights in there and don’t have it set up. I’ve been waiting til someone I knew was available to consult with, and been researching what kind of climate control/AC I’d want to put in there, and getting an idea how many outlets I need, etc. I’m putting in a call tomorrow morning to some electrical guys that used to work on my old A/C and I’ll see if they can electrify the place, or at least can give me a good local recommendation. I need to get it climate controlled quick (there’s some antiques out there that need protecting and they’ve been a month without climate control–gah!). I have a few chunks of days off this week and maybe they could get it done.

That would lead to two main things:

1. I can have the gym properly set up and ready to use, and hang hooks up for garden tools along the wall.
2. When I get it electrified, then I can get an elliptical trainer to plug in, my old tv and dvd player in there for workouts, my radio/mp3 player, and a punching bag. Kinda hard to exercise in the damned dark, and it’s pretty dark in there, even with several windows right now. Music keeps me going, that’s for sure.

I know I can only do one thing at a time, but I’m getting impatient and annoyed that I have this awesome building out there and I can’t even use it for it’s intended purpose. I dropped a lot on that building and there’s a power pole less than 10 feet from it that I can hook into to supply power. I just don’t know how to do it myself and don’t want to spend weeks getting a little done at a time. It would be cheaper that way, but I’d rather get it done and done. Rip the band-aid off, even if I have to pay for it (because if they screw up, then I can call them back and give ’em a piece of my mind, too, and then they gotta fix it.

I figured this plan out yesterday, and today I’m just trying to clean up and organize a little in the house (muddy as hell outside). The dogs are snoozing and I’ve got history buff videos on YouTube while I make my to-do lists for the week. There’s so much I have to catch up on (and so many food items to clean out of the cabinets) and I’ve only got about 28 more days to have my clean start ready to go.

Time’s a wastin’.