I’m becoming a burned-out, worn-out, strung-out mess that just wants to pull the covers over my head and have everything done as best it can be done and move on. But time doesn’t work that way, and it hasn’t been my friend this whole crazy time.

I did a little enjoying yesterday, which nearly got me into trouble with my bank account, so I’m glad I cut it short. Now, however, I have a moving company that’s supposed to come in tomorrow and I’m just hearing that clock ticking in my head. And to top it off I can’t reach them to confirm, so for all I know they’re NOT coming tomorrow because they feel I’m no longer interested.

Seriously, I thought everybody at least had voice mail these days. I can’t even leave a message, and no idea if my e-mails have gone through indicating any changes. So I’m doing my damnedest not to work my way into a panic attack over this wonky schedule.

Tick-tock-tick-tock, and all that rot.

Best to keep boxing things up and knocking room segments off my to-do list for today and tomorrow.

I should’ve worked on more packing and organizing last night, rather than a revised to-do list. I did knock a few things out of the kitchen early in the day before work, but by night I just wanted to sit in my broken rocking chair, make some notes, and watch my fave Jaws scenes over and over again til bed.

But as much as the invisible, “not amused” critic stands there in the corner of my mind (angrier now that I’m taking time to write rather than pack)…it was needed. This is needed, because I’m on the verge of becoming a temperamental basket-case. Even the animals are regarding me with wariness because my mood is in the crapper.

I’m somewhat calmer, and even though to-do lists haven’t done me the best world of good in the past, going through and revising last night really helped me out.

I have to break things down into “when” more than “what,” meaning that yes, some certain thing has to get done, but I’m sure what it is either needs to happen before the movers come, after they leave, before the house is vacated, after the house is vacated, or before the shed is hauled off.

Yes, I feel a little less like Dark Helmet now. Thank you to-do list.

There is a lengthy chores list to make things easier as they go along, but some things actually can wait, like moving all my food to the garage for safekeeping in the fridge out there, and some things I’d like to hang onto and NOT move. It would make sense for me to just put them out of the way (or not have them out in the first place) and tell the movers to just concentrate on the stuff I have in certain rooms of the house (or certain areas).

I had to revise my plan to reflect that reality, and my must-dos by Monday morning are more streamlined. Don’t get me wrong: there’s a helluva lot to do in the next 18 hours and change (including laundry and sleeping), but it’s broken down into steps that are more manageable. Once I get going, some things won’t take as long.

Yes, it’s true–in addition to getting a new house, I’m trying to get rid of my old storage shed and make a decent structure that will be part storage and mostly gym. I don’t plan on hanging onto dad’s 1970s weight benches and set and letting them gather dust while I go pay for a membership somewhere else. My excuse last time was they were crammed into a small room with so much other stuff you couldn’t try to use the barbell bench without hitting something.

I just need to clean them up a bit and organize the rack system a little better (and give some space, and add an elliptical trainer and some punching bags), put some electricity, gym matting, and an a/c in there and I’ve got a clean space I can use to get healthier. Other than age and possibly aesthetics, there’s nothing really wrong with the weights and the machine. I think it just needs some looking over and some care…which will be easier to do with more room.

But first thing’s first…a break while I just hope for the best. I feel like crap taking a break, but one thing I’ve learned is I tend to overestimate how much I can reasonably do, and underestimate how much I will actually get done. I’m looking around my office, knowing that in T-minus 18 hours this room’s gotta be cleared out and ready to go, and I’m cringing. Shortly after this post (and the shout out to interested parties about my shed and Goodwill fodder), I’m going to have to pack up and take apart this desk and hutch, box up my computer, and figure out some way to keep posting with no internet service. Well, I guess that means Starbucks a few days a week, for at least a couple of hours a shot.

I know that I feel I’m being pulled in a few different directions–if it’s not this situation with me trying to get things rolling, it’s my guilt over the animals not getting much attention from me. They’ll probably hate their temporary digs, but since this seems to be taking so much out of me (and I really have to save up money where I can after all these moving boxes and such), I don’t have many options left where we can end up.

It’ll be clean, if not spacious, and when I’m not at work, I’m going to do all I can to let them play outside and use up some pent up energy. But until things get running, I can’t do much of anything…except dream.

I need to make that okay again. It’s healthy.

And keep on packing, because I have to…maybe dreaming that it’s done will make it true a little quicker. And while I’m at it, I’ll take a page from George Bailey.

Hmm…