Okay, yesterday was my heavy Mother’s Day question. Today’s my lighter one, but one that’s bugged me a while.
I first really noticed it last year, when I was out getting things and some salespeople just up and said “Happy Mother’s Day” as I was finishing my purchases and leaving. Something about that struck me.
I don’t have kids. I’ve never had kids. I’ve never done the biological things necessary to create kids (or divine intervention, which is great because I’m not charismatic enough to be the founding mom of a new religion).
But as a woman that’s of childbearing age, I get “Happy Mother’s Day.”
It’s as if it’s assumed there must be a child in the works or somewhere at present and they’ll show themselves pretty soon.
But nope–childless and celibate.
Something about it is just weird to me, and deep down in my conspiracy-theory loving lizard brain, I wonder if this is one of those holdovers of societal expectation, like “oh, if you’re not a mother right now, you will be someday, so let’s celebrate the possibility now.”
Uh…yeah. Something about that is unsettling to me, especially after reading how women who don’t want kids are treated by the medical establishment and society at large just weeks ago.
It’s like “you’ll be a mother because you’re a woman and there’s that biological clock ticking away.”
But I’m not a mom. I don’t have kids. So where does this auto-response of “happy mother’s day” come in?
Maybe this is one of those weirdnesses people who don’t celebrate Christmas feel when someone tells them “Merry Christmas.” Or when someone who lost someone in war hears “have a great Memorial Day!”
Those two always feel weird to me. But that’s another discussion.
Is it just customary, a platitude? What is it that has us saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to every woman out there? Maybe come Father’s Day they’ll be doing the same thing (I can’t remember how it was last year).
I just think it’s weird. And I bet if I told cashiers that I don’t have kids and never did, or asked them if they think I have kids at home and that’s why they said that to me, they wouldn’t have a response.
I wouldn’t want to put someone on the spot like that in real life, but I do wonder. Unless I’ve got a cake on my cart that says “Happy Mother’s Day” on it, or flowers in a cart for the same, I don’t know why you’d assume I’m a mom or up for celebrating.
Unless you’re saying it without knowing why you’re saying it. Sigh.
It just feels weird to be a woman without kids and being told Happy Mother’s Day. And why would somebody say that if I clearly have no kids around (if I had some cousins or something with me, different story).
Still, Why do people tell every woman “Happy Mother’s Day” even if they may not have kids?
I’ll be pondering this while I go get a pizza and clean my house, and throw crap out to make room for the things I truly enjoy doing rather than having all this crap keep taking up space for no reason. At least til I can call Goodwill and take a few days to get ’em out here.
Hugs to all, moms or not, and hope it’s a beautiful day no matter what.
ADDENDUM: I don’t have kids, but I have a new baby (partially in thanks to all this Mom’s day anxiety, I’m sure. I also freely blame my 28 hours without sleep for making me susceptible to such vivid, waking dreams of musicophoria)
I went in the music shop for clarinet reeds and left with those and a pretty blue acoustic-electric guitar (even though I swore I wouldn’t buy anything else big for the rest of the year).
Funny enough, my anxiety went bye bye and the stitch in my side went away when I got all the gear and a methods book to re-learn how to play.
Hey, living the blues half the time. Heaven knows I’d love to learn how to play ’em!