You probably noticed I haven’t written in a week. Too many 14 hour days of work and crises have infiltrated. Add some horrible “sleep” to that, because now I ONLY seem to dream about work.

I’ve touched on this problem of working in my sleep already, but I haven’t really had much luck (or much chance) thus far to really do anything about it.

Work, work, work. It’s been on my mind, or at least a certain beeping soundbite seems to show the most. I work with a computer that beeps every time it’s ready for customer input for background checks, and when you help 40 people in 4 hours, that’s a helluva lot of beeping. I’ve woken up with that beeping in my ears and wondered why I was home in bed instead of at work.

That beeping has made it harder for me to really stay asleep. I get to thinking that it was my alarm clock for a moment, wake up, realize it was about work, and am irritated to hell and back.

I know all I seem to do is be at work, and I’m focused on paying bills and all–that’s a damned old story in this decade. But more than that, I’ve been putting out fires right and left lately and I’m getting damned tired. On one day, I had to open both job locations because my poor trainee at one didn’t have a way to get in and somebody was sick last minute. That gave me my first 14 hour day and a tension headache for two more days.

I’ve looked up more about dreams and controlling them, but the basic info is the same on most pages. In fact, the advice is similar to advice to help you get better sleep.

Okay, better sleep might help give me better dreams…really? It’s more I’d like to change the content and get away from dreaming about freaking work all the time. How can I rest if I’m rehashing work? I want work to be work and home to be home. When I’m asleep, I sure as hell don’t want to be at work!

And I actually like my jobs most of the time.

But manipulating dreams–controlling what happens and their direction–is it really possible to do that?

How many stories exist regarding dreams coming true, or controlling dreams for good or evil (Lathe of Heaven comes to mind)? What about just wanting to put good ideas and such into your head, so you wake up refreshed and with a positive attitude, not bemoaning your day before it even started?

Again, I don’t mind my jobs, but they’re taking over my life and my dreams–at least I want my dreams for myself, even if the body and workhorse capacity goes to everyone else.

There are some techniques dished out by other bloggers and sites that feel a lot more like wishful-thinking on repeat, that if you think it often enough it will happen. I am too skeptical to really try it, I suppose. I guess it sounds too far-fetched. But as my schedule gets crazier and the months go on, I’ll probably try it out of desperation.

Work’s not interesting enough to write about, not really. And I realize I haven’t touched any of my stories for more than 5 minutes at a time for over 6 months. I’m appalled, but how can I write without dreams to feed the beast and make me wonder?

I suppose I just have to think them through, and learn to control them.

Supposedly, science says there are ways to control dreams (without intense, crazy technology) and I’ll have to honestly give them a shot. These days I try to read a book chapter and I can’t get past more than a page before I need to sleep. Too much is going on.

Heck, I’m finally sitting and chilling longer than a half hour, and as I’m writing this, my eyes are getting heavy. See what I mean?

But what I’m reading in these articles–even from Scientific American–seem too easy, but damned hard all at the same time. Just thinking it and hanging onto what you want to think about before bed?

Maybe I’m too tired to get the gist of what I’m learning, but it doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem quite possible.

On the other hand, sometimes I am all too aware of my body at night, and have no clue whether or not that counts as being awake. I think I know every time I turn over in my sleep. To stay in the same place, I tend to pick myself up a bit and flip over, and I am very much aware that I’m doing this. I think I am awake in these moments.

So, if that’s the case, when is my real sleep? When does the dreaming begin?

I wonder if I should sign up for a sleep study and see what I can learn and what I’m really doing.

Maybe that’s why this “dream controlling” seems so crazy. I can’t tell if I’m really asleep and aware of my movements in the real world somehow, or awake and unable to really dream.

I don’t know the difference between “thinking” and “dreaming” right now.

Maybe that’s the place to start.