Getting back on the wagon when all the pieces are up in the air

I’ve always been a Radio Flyer fan, still have two I use for hauling stuff around. This pic cracked me up. I want that! Anyhoo–

Time to get things going (after Labor Day weekend–oh joy). I’ve never cared for it, but at least this year the parties might be more akin to neighborly-cleanup work parties than just beer drinking.

Never been much of a drinker–but here there’s not much damage, so people are probably going elsewhere for clean-up and beer. I’m just breathing a sigh of relief that my workplace is apparently in good enough shape that I can go back to work on Tuesday. That’s a load off my mind, and my hours are relatively good.

Now if I can figure out the “lost wages” paperwork through FEMA (and stop getting discouraged by legal gobbledygook), then I’ll be okay. Part of me is procrastinating, I know, because I’d rather be looking for a new job.

Yeah, that bit of mental health is probably going to take a while. Understandably, I’d think, I haven’t heard back from that nice lady about that other job opportunity.

Well, beyond that, I have to take time to remind myself to be healthy again, and not just fitness-wise (though I’m dismayed to see when I lean back in my chair and contemplate, my hands rest on a very noticeable bump I can’t remember feeling before. Holy crap, I’m turning into Nero Wolfe!)

Oh, I’m trying hard to keep that in mind.

No, there’s the physical and the mental. I’ve been down in the dumps (partially Harvey related, partially birthday related). I’m always “determined’ not to let them get me down, but there they are again, mocking me and saying that I’m in a shittier position than I’ve ever been in my life physically, mentally, and financially.

I know, I bitch about money way too much. The problem is, if I can’t pay my bills, it leads to a ton of anxiety. But now with this storm, and businesses and residents trying to clean up and get back to things, I think hiring people is going to be on the back burner for a while. Negative Nelly cackles at the thought.

But what can I do in the meantime? Distractions that don’t involve sitting on my ass are a good start.

Now, I do have some paperwork and catchup work to do, and I need to find my plan of attack again. I didn’t get far the first time, and I’ve got tons I can try and do today and tomorrow while there’s no job to go to. And then when I’ve got enough of that under my belt, I can really focus on the paperwork and other stuff I gotta do.

I did help dad yesterday. The ground is reasonably hard, at least enough to support the mower without it sinking. It’s that grass that was so tall and wet in the backyard. I did something right by getting my workboots on (and bug spray, of course) and picked up fallen branches that were in his way.

But going back and forth in the yard, I couldn’t believe I was getting a leg cramp and getting winded.

It made me scared to get on the scale this morning (and I didn’t). I know I’ve been a lethargic mess, a bad girl not focused on eating right or even trying this week.

I let the dumps get me down.

I know, there’s something to be said for exercise. Even with that little leg cramp, I did feel better doing something more productive than making sure the dog didn’t get into trouble jumping around in the weeds. I know exercise is a mood booster.

It’s just hard to keep the momentum going more often than not, when you’ve had a rusty start.

And now my plans are all in the wind again, but maybe that’s the best place to start. I can scrape it all together and start over anew.

New plans, new goals, new ambitions.

Now if I could just get rid of these headaches, that would be great. I will definitely have to watch myself and do my best if I’m going to donate blood or plasma.

That’s one thing I’m determined to try this week, if they’re open (the one around here is just a few miles from my workplace, and I dunno if that side got the water really bad). I’m going to learn what I need to do to be able to donate and take care of myself.

(sigh) Why do I keep forgetting this sage advice? I need to print it out and hang it over my desk.

My main concern is the sheer amount of headaches I’ve been having by early afternoon the past week or two, and wondering if it’s a portent to some worse issue that’s been going on. Some are on all sides of my head (and make me really not want to move around), others are concentrated like they’re preparing me for a full-on migraine again.

I’ve taken some tension headache stuff, but all it does it take the edge off. Maybe when I start slow, build up exercise and such, then it’ll work out alright and they’ll start to fade away. Part of me is worried that I’m being foolish and paranoid about possible stuff under the house because of the flood water and that occasionally musty smell I’ve been getting in the mornings.

I hope it’s not mold. I can’t deal with that among everything else. But now my paranoia is complete and I keep on fretting about it.

My 2nd biggest concern is caffeine–they said I should avoid it before donating. Okay, I can understand the day of, but must I avoid it always? Or just 24 hours before donating. I can do short bursts of no caffeine (hell, they may help me wean myself off of the lovely black substance–but I love it too much to quit entirely).

Yeah, that’s me when my percolator at work wants to be a nuisance or another machine just doesn’t have what it takes to give me what I want. I love The Tick.

I suppose the best thing I can do right now is take it a step at a time. Do a little something each day as long as I’m going in the right direction and keep on moving, then add a little more that I can handle.

I think today is the perfect day (headaches and heartburn, oh my) to go out and just sit in the yard in my chair and enjoy it. Be out there in peace before it gets cold and crappy…and try to meditate.

My brain’s all over the place. It’s time to incorporate meditation and improve my focus. Things have been too erratic for too damned long. Time to take control of what I can and let things go that I can’t for now. When I’m strong enough, take more on and keep being productive.

I’ve given myself a good start already–I got out of bed this morning. I also have a good sunny day to appreciate (with sunscreen, a hat, and glasses of course). And my neighbor is coming back home to catch up with. I can see her family bringing stuff back right now.

I’ll wait til later to be sociable, though. They’re busy (and my dog won’t forgive me if I go over there to walk around without her!).

We keep hearing on the news that people are just trying to get some semblance of normalcy back. I agree with that.

I’m gonna take this chance to make a “new normal” for myself today. Fitting it’s post-birthday and Labor Day weekend to boot, after all. This attitude continues, I may be in a position to avoid next year’s scheduled “birthday dumps.”

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