I’m glad July’s here, because July usually brings some clarity that doesn’t exist in June.
I was drinking my 2nd cup of coffee (in a 16 oz mug) and started to feel that irritation in the back of the throat. If anything was telling me it was time to dump the coffee the rest of the day and drink water, that was it. I think that was the catalyst that got me thinking about what I really need to do this month.
I need to break up with fast food; specifically, fried potatoes.
It hit me that in late May and all of June, I don’t think I’ve had fresh fruits or veggies beyond maybe a handful of apples. My home meals consist of beans and rice, mostly, anything full of carbs. I lost count how often I’d stop buy and get an Italian Cheese Bread and Crazy Sauce from Little Caesars and consider that dinner. Any vegetable intake has been fried; french fries, hash browns, or tater tots have made a daily appearance.
And boy, has my body been screaming for a divorce.
It hit me I’ve not had even a simple salad in ages, and have just gone for quick fixes and fast food practically every time. It’s not just that I happen to love potatoes, but I happen to love them fried, like just about anybody who grew up in the U.S.
But now, the thought of eating anything fried makes me feel sick, and it’s taken so long for my body to contemplate fruits and veggies in favor of the quick fix protein and carbs found in meat, cheese, and bread/grains. I’ve eaten so much fried food the past few months I just don’t want to even consider getting more. And I barely want potatoes, unless I can just get some mashed ones or baked ones–not another fried potato.
This is the start of my breakup. I have been listless, lazy as hell, and haven’t been to the gym in nearly two months now, or at self-defense. I can’t believe I let myself go that long, and I’m kicking myself because I need to exercise and get fit.
However, I somehow always had the energy to go and get food that wasn’t good for me. Somehow the more I bought, the more I craved, leading to me feeling great when I bought it, then wishing I’d never touched it.
Now, if you set some fries in front of me, I’m hungry enough right now that I’d eat them, but I’d feel damned sick later and want to purge.
Yeah, best way to beat bulimia is stay away from trigger foods…I need to relearn that, because I’d been doing well until the past two months. Then somehow, I just rolled off the wagon, woke up, and couldn’t figure out why my ass was planted on a dirt road.
What my taste buds crave and body actually wants don’t sync up very well most of the time. However, even my taste buds are telling me to watch out and knock out the oily fatty foods.
This is my breakup with fried potatoes. It sucks because I love french fries, tater tots, and hash browns, and I eat out for breakfast all the time (maybe they can sub in mashed or roasted red potatoes instead. I’ll ask next time I’m at Denny’s).
Substituting the fried potatoes for nearly anything else would save me hundreds of calories. Am I going too far to say “no” from now on? Well, I know moderation is supposed to be the key in all things, but when fried potatoes are at stake, my taste buds don’t know the meaning of the word. I will get the largest portion I can of those potatoes and keep eating them, even when I’m full.
That’s no way to help myself. Then I get pissed off at what I’ve done, worry myself sick, and then the loathing begins.
Best to break up for good. I need to peruse online menus again and remake my “out of the house” dining list of good meals in my budget, substitutions, etc.
Of course, now that I have my paycheck, I’m taking stock of my cabinets and going to go grocery shopping tomorrow for things that I know I’ll eat at home that are NOT beans and rice. I need to dig out my favorite recipes and experiment with sweet potatoes again, and find meals that I wouldn’t mind eating on for a few days (I can’t cook for dad–he can’t swallow food, so he can’t help me eat it).
I also want to get 1 or 2 of each kind of fresh fruit I’m not used to eating and see how I like ’em. That way, I don’t waste too much money if I hate ’em and can throw ’em out in the yard for my squirrel army…or give the rest to co-workers next shift.
I just hope I don’t let myself get suckered into going back to that greasy comfort. If I can say no to fried potatoes–and stick with it–then my body will be more open to breaking up with other convenience foods, because mind and body will both know that it’s possible thanks to that first separation.
I wonder if the three day hump really is a thing. Because if it is, and I get through Wednesday without fried potatoes, I’ll be doing a dance. I’m not counting today as a start, though, because I slept through most of it to get over my overnight shift and haven’t left the house to be tempted, so that would be cheating. And hey, an extra day would just be that much better.
Wonder how much energy I’ll gain with less fat in the body and more greens. And just in time to go back to self-defense and the gym when they re-open. I’ve got enough in me to get a few hours of volunteering in tomorrow and on the 4th of July, which will help restart my personal goal to be a better me all-around.
Just need to work on sleep and not burying myself in b.s. every day, too…but I’ll focus on kicking fried potatoes out the door first. I need to take time to appreciate the smaller victories before freaking out over the big picture.