“I trust you” is kind of a scary phrase…

I thought about writing what was going through my head regarding London, but I’ve also been out of the loop and a bit emotional, so I’m stepping back from that discussion until I can sort out what’s in my noggin and not rant. Anyhoo–

I noticed last week that one of my bosses told me “I trust you” when it came to the front-desk work that I’m still learning about. Being that I’m the senior-most employee working that section, (and that’s a helluva shocker), it was a bit startling.

And that I don’t recall hearing that phrase much, if ever.

The last time I remembered hearing someone tell me they trusted me was when I was student teaching and we had a school spirit sale for Homecoming. There were homemade hats and other crafts in the school colors being sold during all the lunch periods. My mentor took over the class (and my newly-made lesson) so I could help one of the teachers in charge of the project run the sale table instead. I don’t think I saw any other student teachers there, but I was busy and helping out as best I could, and handling the money and packing things up.

I was talking to my mentor afterward and it came up that I was out there because she and that other teacher trusted me. I suppose they trusted me with the money most of all, but she said–flat out–that they trusted me.

I felt pretty good about that, but a bit awkward. Naturally, when it comes to money–other people’s money–I’m super careful and don’t want to mess up. Maybe it’s my sense of right and wrong. I just can’t even consider stealing someone else’s money–and I don’t know how others can, not really.

Something about the phrase “I trust you” should make me feel good inside, shouldn’t it?

It made me wonder, what do you see in someone that makes you tell them, “I trust you.”? I can’t see squat when it comes to myself, so I really don’t get it.

And now I’ve noticed my boss has been telling me she trusts me the past few weeks. Wow, first I’m being ma’am-ed, and now I’m being trusted in public.

Stranger and stranger.

I can only guess that it’s because I have my nervous babbling habit, and if I’m uncomfortable or uncertain about something, I’m going to ask, check, double-check, and work it out. I am the co-worker that tends to clock out and stick around anyway to do a little extra things and make notes.

It’s not that I want to show people up and make myself look good to the boss. We work variable shifts at the front desk, and I want to let the next person know what’s going on so they’re not floundering if something weird happens. I think of us as a team that has to work together. I don’t relish the idea of a co-worker sitting there, thrown for a loop if an angry customer or a weird question or situation comes up because I didn’t say anything.

I don’t like leaving people in the lurch. I’m trying to improve my communication all around (though I’m not having as much luck regarding the chatty part…yet).

Maybe it’s my tendency to be overly apologetic and over-explain things. I’m sure I’m coming off as someone who is nervous and doesn’t want to screw up. I’m sure she knows that pretty well, so she’s telling me “I trust you” as in “I trust you to figure this out, and if you mess up, we’ll work on it.”

I just have to keep that in mind. If that’s the case.

I suppose the phrase “I trust you” is a bit scary for me because it shows someone’s depending on me to do something for others and do it well. To put my best foot forward and take responsibility.

And I already have a profound “fear of screwing up” that’s stopped me from doing just about every damned thing I’ve wanted to do my whole life. (By the way, does anybody know the proper phobia name for “fear of screwing up?” I’d love to know.)

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Uh…is it possible to be both?…. Huh.

Somehow, in my still-living-at-home existence, trying to pay down my own debts and keep busy, responsibility and me haven’t met head on very often. I guess it’s the abrupt jolt of I’m now working in a job where other people do the same thing as me and use the same handbook and materials, and we have to work together. Most of my jobs ended up with me doing my own thing with minor supervision; now I’m finally in a position where we all have to be on the same wavelength to make things run smoother.

And again, that trust–in me and each other–has to be the key to that. I get that, but boy, it’s scary when you’re not used to it…or at least, not used to hearing it.

I guess it makes it more real.

I can’t recall the last time I told someone I trusted them, other than my crazy pseudo-sister that I adore. I trust her more than anyone on the planet. Other than her…trust and I are having a rocky go of it right now.

I’ve tried to go through life trusting people to do the right thing and not hurt others–or me–but as some incidents regarding co-workers have taught me, I can’t afford to do that.

I never knew I had to be choosy in who I trust. Now, I only tell my Sister By Choice that I trust her, because it’s true.

I’m working on trusting others.

But I’ll give props to my bosses regarding my new-found trust for them.giphy

I trust that they won’t leave me hanging when I’m in a bind and need their help. I’ve had plenty of bosses who didn’t give a damn…now I have two that care about how well I do and my commitment to improve.

Maybe this two-way trust street will help me relax and stop thinking about my work day when I should be dreaming about other awesome things.

I can’t wait until I’m more comfortable with this newfound responsibility, with trust in myself and others, and not having to think twice about the trust placed in me but just going with it to do the job right.

And when I find out how to trust people–and it mean something because they’re not reading the “pushover” tattoo on my forehead–then that’ll be a fantastic day.

2 thoughts on ““I trust you” is kind of a scary phrase…

  1. Andrew says:

    Having had a similar debate in my head a few years back, I started to think about how I project myself to others and form their perception of me. It was an odd-ball way to look and think about that, but it ended up working well in my case. I started to do what I knew was right, forced confidence in myself for doing what I knew was right, and interestingly the people around me started to pick up on the fact that they could “trust” me based on my own efforts to demonstrate trust in them and imply that I wished to be trusted in return. I still struggle with this everyday and will often get caught in the rabbit hole of self-doubt and internal criticism, but experience helps me get past that much quicker. Being trusted means that you’ve already established the right external perception, you now just need to trust in yourself that they’re right. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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