I think consistency and procrastination had a love child, and I found the birth certificate in my sock drawer.

There’s just something about saying you’re trying to do right for yourself that makes the universe piss itself laughing in response. Consistency is one of the most difficult things for me to accomplish, especially with getting healthy.

It’s the same every time–I look at how my life is and what I really want (or think I want at the moment), I give myself a pep talk, the Rocky theme swells, and then when I make one little slip…down the hole I go. It’s so dang hard to keep up a habit that’s good for me when other things in life do their damnedest to intervene.

I admit, the work-life balance is totally askew and on the “work” side. Other than my Monday night/Tuesday morning workout last week, I haven’t been to the gym or done anything remotely healthy. Little Caesars Italian Cheese Bread and sauce have been my friend the whole week…until tonight.

Strange, because I’m lactose intolerant, but a big part of me wanted it.

I could’ve made it to kickboxing tonight, but it would’ve been a close call. I found myself driving home with a headache after work, and trying to straighten up my office so I have a decent place to study. Thanks to work being foremost in priorities lately, I’m 3 weeks behind in my 6-week online course…so that made me drive right home to work on it.

I’m so scatterbrained right now I would’ve done better laying waste to heavy bags while quipping with and encouraging others. Other than color-coding pages, I haven’t done an assignment or anything. Gonna have to have an early morning to play catch-up, so I’m going to sleep shortly after this (though it’s not even 10 pm yet)

Consistency is one of those things I wasn’t particularly good at–at least, not consciously.

But I’m consistent about avoiding things that’re good for me, so I suppose it works on some level.

I’ve found a few resources that I’ll be trying out this week. I mean, I’ve read so many sources over the years about it, but when you’re impulsive and easily distracted, it’s like all I’ve read and tried goes out the window.

And I’ve been beating myself up pretty well for my lack of consistency. I’ve been angry at myself for not doing what I need to do to be fit and make healthier choices…which probably is what led to my craving garlicky bread and cheese with tomatoes…mmm…

Dammit!

It’s a lousy cycle, and I’ll start with some great, simplified ideas from Marie Forleo (of Marie TV, which I just found today) and her video/post on being consistent in anything.

Sadly, I think I know these things, but somehow they don’t get through. I tell myself what I want, and I make plans, but my feet don’t budge (those cement shoes sure come in many forms).

And just when I wrote down in my morning pages (I decided to re-start them this morning, and try for CONSISTENCY) that I wouldn’t make work my life, I managed to fanangle another overnight for this weekend, which will give me another opportunity to burn out.

“But they need the help!” I tell myself. And I need the money, which convinces me more.

This ebb and flow regarding my work hours really hurts at times. I have to remember that even if the rest of the year was flowing along fine, it’ll still take more time to pay down my debts.

I get lazy and I get in a hurry in shifts, and that really messes with that consistency.

I can talk all I want, and be bound and determined to be healthy…but how many times have I let myself down because of my impulsive decisions?

How many times have I slipped once and just chucked it all in?

How many times have I sabotaged myself or looked for every excuse because it was hopeless anyway?

I can’t count that high–not without depressing myself.

I’ll have to get into the mindset of baby steps, making one good choice a day and sticking with it…

The hard part is there’s so much I know I need to do for myself that by now, I have no clue where to start.

And if I’m really stuck, I’ll waste the better part of a day trying to figure out which one to do first, then decide it’s all too hard and end up doing nothing.

It’s time to stop pushing the clock forward and work here and now…move along even if it’s an inch at a time.

I’ll start with this Lifehacker article I was looking through. Without consistency, goals and plans are just words.