Throw the hands up, say “What the hell!,” & dive into new ideas about what I can really do…

(credit to Wall Street Journal’s website for the header image)

I checked out the website with my job application on it yesterday, and it came back “no jobs match your criteria.” Guess they made their choices for interviews…so I guess that “perfect-timing” job’s not on the menu for me right now.

Back to searching as best I can, and coming up with new ideas.

You know, in the past year and change, something’s been bothering me, and it’s most likely a feeling of total helplessness. I don’t just mean the physical (and I’m getting better at that), it’s more the wringing my hands and being stuck as I see more divisiveness and hate and I’m at the point I can’t even talk to people.

That’s material from other times that I won’t hash out right now (the benefit of blogging, it’s already been done–hee hee).

But I took some time to check my Facebook and some other interests this morning, and an old idea came into my head. I’d love to find work–part time or full–at a non-profit or charitable organization.

I don’t know what I would be able to do there–I’m pathetically ignorant about that sort of thing–but if I could get paid to help out a cause or group I really believe in, and could educate myself about even more, I think that would be awesome. Even if it was hard work, if I was doing something to help, I think I would be happy at it.

The trouble is, which one(s). I have too damned many interests, I swear. I blame the books on my shelves and mind-expansion thanks to college.

Ooh, is there a book-related nonprofit? (skitters away to check–Kidding!).

I think that’s what’s so difficult about all the things I’ve tired to do the past two decades. I did what I thought I was supposed to do–went to school, didn’t drink or smoke, didn’t do drugs, didn’t hang around the “wrong people” (whoever the hell they were supposed to be), went to college and got my degree. Wasn’t that how it was supposed to go?

c93a8e7ae3c4d62161010eb61f29c01b209c6be814236d72ed7f24dee32612a8Yeah, there are a few “reality check” seminars I’d love to help write and make free for every high-schooler and college student before graduation. Some realities must be explained, patiently, like the birds-and-the-bees talk. Kids need to learn that a thousand people will have the same degree as them, so a job is not guaranteed, the job hunt will be damned difficult and said job-hunt often relies a lot on who you know and in what industries/positions.

No, I’m not going to rant about nepotism (though it sucks to the hilt when you know so-and-so “only got the job because ________ is so-and-so’s _______.”) Professional networking’s a must (and yes, I have the “for Dummies” guide on my shelf), but how to do that wasn’t really mentioned in school–not that I’m aware. They said it was necessary, but didn’t give practical advice on how to not make a fool or yourself or how to make the best impression and keep it going strong.

Then, when it was “too late,” I was asked, “Well, why didn’t you ask for help on this?”

My reply: “How am I supposed to ask the question when I don’t even know the questions need asking to begin with?”

Yeah, it’s a conundrum. I can see why the “college-trained idiot” label gets thrown my way a lot.

I had thousands of hours of instruction, research and knowledge in my grayish-muscle upstairs, but not much guidance in how to use it effectively. I am the damned walking encyclopedia, which pisses me off because I spent so much time and money learning all this stuff and can’t figure out what to do with it.

I’ve lost my edge in applying for teaching full-time in school districts. I used to go–faithfully–to every job fair of every school district for years. Even then, with resume in hand and my best professional clothes, I’d map out my strategy of talking to as many people as possible in the 2-3 hours allotted for the event.



What always sucked is half the tables I’d go to advertised hiring for all positions. Then, when I got up there and told them my teaching certification, 95% of the time they’d tell me, “Oh, we don’t have anything for that right now, but you can leave your resume.” Then they’d put it on the 2-3 inch stack behind them with a note.

Because of crap like that, I quit going to job fairs because they began to waste my time and I felt I was wasting theirs. If you don’t have a teaching position for that, SAY SO!!! I bet there were 15 other people in line behind me that got the same treatment because so many wanted that type of job. We could’ve gone to other tables instead and really talked to interested people.

I’ve NEVER gotten a callback or acknowledgement from any of those “just leave your resume” types–ergo, waste of freaking time and paper.

But what can I do with my teaching/History degree–I’m already doing tutoring, but in our teaching center, right now I’m mostly doing “peripheral” tasks like answering phones and taking info. I’ll give props for one thing–I’m staying quite busy. However, I’m not a salesperson (though I have a “For Dummies” book for that, too, that I’ll be reading), I hate asking people for money or payment, and I stutter too easily when I feel put on the spot and don’t know the answer. I hate relaying everything to my boss when I feel stuck, and get paranoid that I’ll be seen as incompetent and they’ll fire when they get tired of me.


You said it, man.

So, maybe I’ll have to do some serious brushing up on skills before applying for other jobs. Some of what is on the boards sounds easy until you actually see it in action, or it’s far too specific, or far too vague. I’ve had jobs where they changed my job description in the first week–and that was freaking awful!

I’d rather have somebody let me know what they want, and what I’d have to do or know to get that position. Even if I DIDN’T get it, or wasn’t qualified, at least I’d know for the next job.

Better than hemming and hawing, and false hope…guess I’d better find a grant writing class or something to join. This is gonna be hard.

So, for now…or after one of my jobs, rather–

I love Alan Rickman in Dogma (1999)

3 thoughts on “Throw the hands up, say “What the hell!,” & dive into new ideas about what I can really do…

  1. Andrew says:

    I felt the way you do right now for years after entering into the workforce. I would jump from job to job, hoping to find something that really fit my education/background but nothing really found that sweet spot where I enjoyed going to work every day. After reading Career Warfare by Peter Drucker, it finally clicked that to experience the good, you need to tolerate the bad. After 20 years, I finally landed into a job that was a stretch and that I’m positive the company “took a chance” on me, but have ended up excelling. Not quite the “I’ll always be an admin” role, but enough technology to be satisfying. Not that you need another book to read, but I highly recommend this short easy read by Drucker as it might give some clarity. At the very least, you’ll see that in the search for “the job” you know is out there, it’s never a waste of time. Rather, it’s a means to an end.


    • TheChattyIntrovert says:

      I’m not so much looking for “the job,” because frankly I’d love for writing to be my job. It’s more that I need something I can squeeze in that won’t interfere with everything else and will help me pay my debts off faster. But if I found “the job” at a non-profit or something, then maybe I could get enough experience and hours there to have that be my job besides writing. When I gave up on a full-time teaching career, I pretty much gave up on having “the job.” But I want to feel I’m helping others in some way, and if I could get paid for it, I could dedicate a LOT of time–hee hee.

      Liked by 1 person

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