credit to wikihow.com for the header image.

Seriously, this week sleep and I have become estranged. I know one thing that would help is no more coffee after about 1 p.m. (duh), but otherwise, the thoughts bounding around my noggin like rabbits don’t help.

A few hours ago, I tried to go to sleep, but here I am. I found an e-mail from 1 of my 2 jobs (the more reliable one) where some major changes to staff responsibilities and tasks are going to be laid out (starting tomorrow, when I get in). Well, my overactive imagination’s remembering the weekend and all the crazy that went on, and all I can think is that some of the reason for the new “do what the tasks say or you’ll get written up” is because of what I couldn’t finish this weekend.

The rational part of me knows that there’ve been issues brewing about different people getting work done (and NOT done) the past few weeks–I just can’t help but wonder if this weekend (when it happened to be me falling behind) was the last straw.

It very well may not be. But it was enough to creep me out and jump onto the job boards in case I screw up enough to get fired.

When it comes to staying employed, my fear of screwing up overrides everything else–so yeah, it’s not rational…but I just HATE getting into trouble. Dunno why exactly, because some people couldn’t care less about the consequences. I’d love to know how that works because it baffles me.

Anyhoo, I found a job online that I’d applied to before, a part-time morning position at a place I wouldn’t mind working. Granted, my degree’s too high for it (it’s not even a “degree-needing position”), but I’d love to get a chance to interview for it.

I used to get ribbed for being a low-level maintenance person with a Master’s degree at one of my jobs, but I didn’t mind the work. It kept me moving around and going, taking care of a place I liked…it was the good ol’ boys club and the unwanted attention I could’ve done without, and too many hours for far too little pay.

The deal is, this job I want is 5 days a week, super-early a.m. (which doesn’t bother me, really–I can get up early and not be a zombie), and a 17-20 hour workweek. I could handle that. And the best part is it’d be the same time every morning, so I could make plans around it.

That’s the part that gets me. I could get off work at 9 a.m., get some small breakfast and do a bit of writing, go to my MMA classes, then my Job #1 in the afternoon/ evenings. I’d love to do that. And then Job #2, which is usually a weekend-only position 1 or 2 nights a week, could still be doable.

This would answer a ton of issues I have, namely financial. I’ve been in debt for some time because of my ever-varying job-hours, increased required expenses over the past year, income taxes REALLY screwed me, and my initial financial plan falling apart. I want to get out of debt, and if I could get this early a.m. job, it would help SO much–the money for it would go specifically toward paying off my credit cards the first few months (and re-building my emergency fund).

That would mean, of course, that I’d be working 3 jobs and have no time for being sociable. Well, it’s not like I was doing much of that when I only had 2 jobs, so that’s not much a detriment. Besides, I want to be able to travel and see things, maybe do day/weekend trips once in a while, go to museums or concerts, things like that.

You kinda/sorta need extra money to do those things. And definitely need it to pay off debts first!

This is where the prayer comes in. I have to admit, prayer and I haven’t been on the same page much. I guess asking that amorphous unknown great-gig-in-the-sky for help when I’m just one of billions of mortals in one of billions of worlds and possibilities just seemed a bit selfish and strange to me.

However, I found myself tonight unable to shut up the voices in my head until I could spell out what it is I really wanted. I really want this job. It’s a job that would help my efforts to lose weight because I’d be moving around and doing lots of heavy lifting, keeping limber and being part of a team. Sitting on my rear for hours really isn’t helpful for my energy–I’d rather only sit down when eating, relaxing or writing.

I want this job because it would help me pay off my debts much sooner, which would help my plans in the future. I could re-establish my emergency fund to be an emergency fund instead of the source to drain for my income taxes every year. I want to be more financially responsible and be able to help others out who need it. Having money in the bank would let me take more time to do volunteer work again instead of cancelling to have a few hours of work to pay the bills.

Volunteering is the best way I can use my walking-encyclopedia syndrome to advantage–which helps release the pressure valve of my over-chattiness around people I have to work with! But I digress…

I want this job because I need this job to help me out, and help my family out. My dad’s health’s not the best lately, and if I have to take some time off to help take care of him, I want to have that ability without getting in worse financial shape.

I had to play caretaker before, but that was way back before I had all these debts, and all these bills to pay. I can’t play the “no job, no security” game anymore…and I’m too old for that anyway.

So, God, wherever you’re at and whatever you are…a bit of help if you can spare it would be appreciated.